Howl's Moving Castle

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Howl's moving castle is like story of my life.
Sophie's like me, and Howl is like the other. No wonder why I like the movie so much. It's about sacrifice, giving it all you've got and so much that applies to me.
I don't know how to express everything in words. I guess you just have to be me and watch the movie yourself.

I'm coming home tomorrow.

KOREANNNNS

I'm back on my KPOP streak again. BEWARE. :3

This is so cool. O_O
I WANNA DO ONE.

http://deaddrops.com/db/index.php?page=view&id=249&PHPSESSID=2o6i6m3ibm9e8p8tr32c70ptr4

All night.

Up all night. I have a lot of things to think about.

I'm not going to Si-Yao's event. I'm feeling..."unwell."
What shall I do today then? Simple. I shall do my homework. I have a lot to catch up on still.

I wanted to watch my movie then sleep in my own bed. But that didn't happen. I asked my roomate if it was okay if I watched my movie on my bed. She said something along the lines of "I'll be trying to sleep...the light will bother me," then asked me to move to te common room. Then my plan was to watch my movie and crash on the couch, but of course, some random person is there, so I'm sitting at the table, playing Bejeweled on my phone. I shut my computer off since it only had about 17% life left.

Thanks random stranger that asked me if I was okay. I guess people who don't know me know when something's wrong. People who know me don't know anything's the matter.

Oh and it's pretty damn cold out here in the common room. I should've brought out a jacket.

Scores:
Angelica: X one strike, two to go.

Family and friends: 0
Strangers: 1

Possibility of Getting sock. 40%
fun.

Balcony

I'm here sitting on top of the arena enterence. It would be so easy to just leap down from the balcony I'm on.

I can't do this anymore. I wish someone would come get me. I don't even have a shoulder to cry on anymore. Everyone's too tied up with their own shit. And here I am. On top of the balcony, looking down.

It would be too easy.

Swan

I had lunch with Swan today at La Victoria.

He totally cured me of my loneliness. And I appreciated it too, I'm not sure if he knows how much I appreciate it, but that's alright.

Anyways, we just talked, and reminisced on a lot of things. We talked about DCI, about math, about other people. It was nice. I guess that's what I've been missing. I've been missing talking about things from a while back. 

Then, we afterwards we went back to my dorm and we talked for a long time there. We disccused mostly band trips and how much fun they are. Haha. Then we tried to figure out who added Mr. Yaeger on the Percussion page, and we couldn't figure it out.

Swan also changed my wallpaper and the borders on my laptop. Now, I have pink borders and really awesome wallpaper. :D

Thanks for today Swan! I really needed it. <3

Oh and here's what swan changed my background to...
Do you like the pink? Haha.

Touch

I want to be in physical contact with another person right now.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm pretty freaking lonely. There's no one to physically talk to this late at night. I'm all alone.

College?

I was going to send you this, but you seemed busy so I didn't...

I guess this is how I really feel about college.


"I really do miss you a lot, did you know that? Last night, I wanted to hop onto the next bus going to Milpitas. 
Sometimes I can't stand it here. It hasn't even been a week, and I'm so home sick. Sometimes I regret dorming.
And, at the same time, sometimes it feels fine. I feel like I could fit in here, I could function like a normal person. I could enjoy myself, but the feeling is usually short lived, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I dislike getting kicked out of my room at night, or maybe it's beacuse I don't get along with most other people here, since they sort of look at me like I'm the little snobby Chinese girl that gets whatever she likes. I'm not spoiled, and you know that. Sigh. I wish...I don't know. I wish for so many things, but I give up wishing that they'd come true. I don't know how long I'll last here. It really feels like a combination of Hell and of torture. Sometimes it's light torture, but mostly, it's heavy. I'm trying to adapt, to fit in, but it's hard. I don't fit in. I really don't.
I mean sure, it's great that I go out and socialize, it's great that I work out, that I eat lunch with others, sure all of that is fine and dandy, but...I can't shake the feeling that I don't belong. It's still the first week, maybe I just need more adjusting, but...if everything's going to be the way it is now, I don't want to come back. I know, it's a waste of $1,300...so, that's why I can't leave. I don't want to waste money. I'm not even comfortable in my own dorm room bed. It feels like I'm staying at a hotel, and I'm so used to hotels being temporary. I feel like dorming here is temporary."

If you ever asked me why I never told you any of this, it's because...I don't want to distract you, I want you to be able to work without having to worry about me, or without having to be there for me, when I'm never there for you.

College.

So uh, my suite mates invited me to a frat party.
Uhm, and I think my other roomate is going to have sex with her boyfriend.

Welcome to college life.

Favorite Artist? :D

Does anyone want to buy this for me? Teehee, I love Stephanie Mabey. She's AMAZING. This is the whole album, all the songs too. :3

What.

Well.
For the past few days I've been going in and out of my dorm, walking up and down the stairs. I think I'm good on the exercise. Lol. Oh, and at the same time I've been staying up late. Late enough where my sentences don't make sense anymore. I'm so tired right now.
MEOWWWWWWWW.

Yeah, I'm tired.

Ache

It's that slow slow ache that just eats away at your heart. It weakens it, and then you feel it break. You know this is a goodbye, and all I feel is sadness. I don't want this to be our last goodbye. I want us to be there for each other til the end. But it's so hard, knowing that we'll be away from each other. Knowing that...you'll find someone else. Knowing that life goes on, even though it feels like we're stuck here.

This isn't goodbye. I couldn't say goodbye to you.

Life

I'm tired of being dragged to places where they don't want me. I'm tired of exclusive social crowds and cliques, and I'm tired of trying to fight for a position within these cliques and crowds.

It's gotten out of hand. This game has been going on for too long and it's gotten too hard. I don't want to play this game anymore. I want to quit and come back later, but there is no "pause" or "rewind" or "stop" or "save game" button for life. It just keeps on going no matter what.

I want life to "pause" at all the right moments, and "rewind" to my favorite parts. I want to "stop" life to savor the swetest moments, but I especially want to "save game" after all is said and done.

Last night was hard. But today? I don't know how today will be. I just want things to be back to what it used to be like. But I guess time will tell.

I don't know anymore where I stand.
I guess we'll see what happens.

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WHY AM I EVEN AWAKE?