College?

I was going to send you this, but you seemed busy so I didn't...

I guess this is how I really feel about college.


"I really do miss you a lot, did you know that? Last night, I wanted to hop onto the next bus going to Milpitas. 
Sometimes I can't stand it here. It hasn't even been a week, and I'm so home sick. Sometimes I regret dorming.
And, at the same time, sometimes it feels fine. I feel like I could fit in here, I could function like a normal person. I could enjoy myself, but the feeling is usually short lived, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I dislike getting kicked out of my room at night, or maybe it's beacuse I don't get along with most other people here, since they sort of look at me like I'm the little snobby Chinese girl that gets whatever she likes. I'm not spoiled, and you know that. Sigh. I wish...I don't know. I wish for so many things, but I give up wishing that they'd come true. I don't know how long I'll last here. It really feels like a combination of Hell and of torture. Sometimes it's light torture, but mostly, it's heavy. I'm trying to adapt, to fit in, but it's hard. I don't fit in. I really don't.
I mean sure, it's great that I go out and socialize, it's great that I work out, that I eat lunch with others, sure all of that is fine and dandy, but...I can't shake the feeling that I don't belong. It's still the first week, maybe I just need more adjusting, but...if everything's going to be the way it is now, I don't want to come back. I know, it's a waste of $1,300...so, that's why I can't leave. I don't want to waste money. I'm not even comfortable in my own dorm room bed. It feels like I'm staying at a hotel, and I'm so used to hotels being temporary. I feel like dorming here is temporary."

If you ever asked me why I never told you any of this, it's because...I don't want to distract you, I want you to be able to work without having to worry about me, or without having to be there for me, when I'm never there for you.