Just Blithering

This post is just going to be random, non-sequential writings. I'm feeling something. I just want to type out the the first thoughts that come from my head.

I'm being very hormonal.

I'm just going to sleep soon because I can't deal with myself at the present moment.

I'm pushing away people I usually wouldn't push away. I can't stand myself. The only cure for this is sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.

Maybe I should do something else with my life besides sleep. Maybe sit outside. Maybe exercise. Maybe something useful.

I haven't been feeling too well lately. Stomach hurts every time I eat. I know the reason why, and I'm going to have to wait a few days before things settle back to normal.

It feels like a weekday, instead of a weekend. I'm wondering what I did with my weekend, because it's all over. I didn't do anything that I planned to do. I'm very tired, but I can't seem to sleep. I just want to be awake, in this Hellish limbo. I want to sleep, but at the same time I don't. My mind is keeping me awake, but my eyelids are drooping lower and lower.

Ah. I remember what's keeping me awake. The pains. I'm a little hungry, a little crampy, and I'm not sure how I'm dealing with anything right now. Typing is a good outlet, which is what I'm doing. I love feeling the keys depress and pop back up. I love the sound that I make whenever I strike a key. I love feeling how the keyboard gives way to my fingers. I just like typing. I even like the word "typing" it seems so beautiful. I think that's my favorite word. Typing. It just looks so pleasing to me. Words are just overall very appeasing to me. I like this free thought thing. It's making me feel better (minus the physical pain, I can't control that) I do have medicine for it, but I don't know if it's still good.

Toni and Doms left with Phi. I know Toni and Doms went to a party, and I'm still here. I don't drink anyways, so that's fine with me, Shana fell asleep on the couch, she woke up and she went to shut the light off, but she hesitated for a very long time. Then she turned the light off on me. And then when she turned around to go up the stairs she was like "oh I'm so sorry I didn't see you there" and I didn't say anything mainly because I was so focused on a game I was playing. It was interesting. Anyways, in my head I was like "wait how did you not see me, you walked towards me. I'M WEARING A BRIGHT RED SWEATER HOW CAN YOU MISS ME?!" But I was too focused to even say anything

Wow I must be going through some stress or something. I keep clenching my jaw. Am I upset? Am I angry? Why am I so unstable? I need to be more stable. Help. I need to consume less salt too, because that makes me super dehydrated and it makes me cramp even more than should. I'm also noticing my flaws and how my skin isn't perfect and a whole bunch of other stupid things. I know I'm totally fine, but this is so ridiculous. I'm just a wreck. I have absolutely no reason to be a wreck, but I am. This is dumb. It's almost 3AM. I want to listen to more FungBros. I really like their PowerTrip remix. It's good. And I was relistening to Friendzone by them. The one line that ALWAYS gets me is "the prettiest girl is the one that likes you!"

MY FEELS. ALL THE TIME. Now I'm going to listen to "Amnesia" by 5 Seconds of Summer. JUST TO HAVE MY FEELS AGAIN.

Okay, I'll stop blithering on. I apologize, this post was just to make me feel better.