What will it take to prove myself worthy? What will it take to prove to myself that I am good enough?! When is it finally my turn to feel good about myself, no matter what I do or where I go? Why can't I just allow myself that simple pleasure of being proud of whatever I do? It's feels like it's own version of self-harm, but it's just low self-esteem.
I'm always comparing myself to people, like Karen. And it always hurts me to know I will never be like her. I will never be successful in anything I do. I can't do my job as well as Karen does her job. I remember once, she told me that she was always tired of being compared to Erin, just like how Rory was always tired of being compared to Erin, and how Erin gets to do everything first, and how good she is. Well...I feel like how they felt. I feel like I can't do anything as good as Karen. Karen gets to do everything first, she has her priorities straight, she's cute, she's super smart, she has amazing leadership skills, she's a reliable and trustworthy person, she's taking a ton of AP classes because she's smart, she pushes herself, she's athletic, she's witty, she's can draw, she's just all around perfect in my mind. She's everything I'm not. She can't accept failure, but I can, and I think that's what caused my downfall.
I'm always comparing myself to people, like Karen. And it always hurts me to know I will never be like her. I will never be successful in anything I do. I can't do my job as well as Karen does her job. I remember once, she told me that she was always tired of being compared to Erin, just like how Rory was always tired of being compared to Erin, and how Erin gets to do everything first, and how good she is. Well...I feel like how they felt. I feel like I can't do anything as good as Karen. Karen gets to do everything first, she has her priorities straight, she's cute, she's super smart, she has amazing leadership skills, she's a reliable and trustworthy person, she's taking a ton of AP classes because she's smart, she pushes herself, she's athletic, she's witty, she's can draw, she's just all around perfect in my mind. She's everything I'm not. She can't accept failure, but I can, and I think that's what caused my downfall.
I thought I was pretty good in English. Karen's better. I thought I was a pretty good musician. Karen's better. I thought I was being new and creative and innovative. Karen's done things I could only dream of. She's done so much that I could never do. I lost my motivation now. I just suck.
I have been flattened by the self-esteem steamroller.
And you know what powered this steamroller? Jealousy.
I have been flattened by the self-esteem steamroller.
There is no use in comparing yourself to others. If anything, they are suppose to serve as an inspiration. Yes, there are times where I personally feel like I am not good enough. If you keep pushing yourself, you will be amazed as to where you will go. You just need to set your own goals, your own achievements. No one can be the best, but everyone can make something their own.
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