Tessellate/Ramblings

It's been a while. Hello friends.

Again, I just need a place to vent. I feel too burdensome unloading all these feelings onto my friends, so this is a decent outlet.

There's a line from this song that I really like. "Triangles are my favorite shapes/Three points where two lines meet". It makes me think that maybe we will cross paths again. Two lines, one point in time. Thinking about it, triangles are fascinating. There's so many potential meanings to them, such as, love triangles, play buttons, arrows. I'm not wholly sure what I'm on about, but whatever. I did have a point, but I'm not in the mood to elaborate on it.

I guess what's really bothering me tonight is just the fact that I cannot, for the life of me, figure myself out. I don't even know what I want out of life anymore. I was reading an old journal/diary page out loud to my roommate the other night. I forgot I wrote it, and found it while I was cleaning up. It really gave me a lot of insight about myself and how I was two or three years ago. I hand wrote five pages of frustration in my Humanities class. I remember being frustrated and writing it, too. I have a bit of time, so I'll probably type all of it up and post it in the next post. One thing that really struck me about my rant was probably the fact that I was hopeful. I knew that whatever I was feeling wouldn't last, and that's really characteristic of me, in some way. As I was reading it out loud to my roommate, I paused and realized that that was what set me apart in a way. I've always been hopeful, and I have always known that feelings are temporal. I knew I wasn't going to live my life in a perpetual state of frustration and angst.

In some strange way, re-reading what I wrote really just stuck with me. I have never remembered being optimistic when I was having one of those moody days. The fact that I actually included being hopeful was just, ugh. Different. I plan on ending everything on a positive note now, like make a conscious effort to do so.

When I started writing this blog post, I had no direction. Just realizing some small thing about me gave me new direction. It's actually made me feel better. I started off this as a meandering rant because I felt bad about myself (physically, emotionally, you get the picture). I was feeling pretty down, pretty low, until I remembered the entry I wrote. This is something I like about myself, and now I can pick myself back up. I can do this, I can find my purpose. Just need to get through these times, and I'll be fine.