I'm crashing and I'm burning right now.
Lack of sleep
Need to talk to my professor
I don't really eat that much because I'm super busy, and
Yeahhh.
It's okay, I'm not withering away yet, and you know what? No one cares, eeeeeeeeyup.

Sometimes
I feel like a little kid, like I could be a superhero, like that.

Little kid dreams.

A day without him.

It's like when it's raining, and you just want to see the sunshine again.
Sometimes it's bearable, sometimes it's not.

Right now, not knowing how you feel, not knowing anything, it's so unbearable to me. Not being able to know if you're okay, not being able to know if you even want me in your life.
It's unbearable for me.

The unknown scares me.

My go-to thing when I'm not feeling awesome?
Mint chocolate chip ice cream.

No.

This has been one of the worst trips ever.
I used to look forward to this stuff but now i don't. I'm not happy, and I'M NOT PERFECT. Gosh. Stop freaking blaming me for everything okay? Shit.

I'n texting both my parents.
My dad's in China, my mon's at home, and they're skyping.
I'm in class and totally not paying attention in class.

#mycollegelife

I've been listening to corp music all day.
I guess I miss you being on tour with them; I'd wait for you to come back.

I look forward to going home on the weekends because I know I'll see you.
Every minute spent with you is every moment well wasted. <3

hoiitsroi :3

Alex is hella cute in this video, LOL.
Bringing back old memories with hoiitsroi! :D
Teehee. <3

Oh, and this one too. 

THROWWWWWWBACKKKKKKKK.

I believe this is based on looks.

CinnaMINGbear;

Hi Ryan.

It was so nice to see you today. :D
I'm always happy to see you even if you aren't happy to see me.
I'm sorry for not asking you about how you are and stuff. I'm no Karen, and I know I suck at stuff like this.

I do apologize though, for not keeping in touch with you. I'm guilty of that. Speaking of guilt, I finally finished your birthday/late Christmas gift. I was going to give it to you, but I sort of forgot to put a string around it. I hope you like it. I tried to make it to the best of my abilities.

Again, I'm sorry for not keeping in touch. That is my fault. ):

Hope you're doing well and stuff. I miss your happy-go-lucky personality that I love so much. I don't know if things changed, and I'll be honest, but it does feel like something has changed...

Ah, well. Just wanted to make a quick shout-ou to you, that's all. :)

I hate being so far away from you when you need me the most...
I love you oh so much, and I hate to see you like this. </3

Lately I've been thinking so strangely about the clouds. And how they slowly seem to fade away, yeah.

I want an adventure. Just the two of us. I'd like that a lot.

Words

I was just thinking.
Do words actually have value, or is it just the emotional sentiment that has the value?

I'm not sure.

Some advice

Some advice:
You might have a hard time making new friends in college.
You have to put yourself out there like a prostitute. It's like, the only way you can make friends. Or maybe you'll be lucky and have people approach you. It all depends. For me, I have to go put myself out there.

:D It's back to working on these. :3 For my cousin's birthday(s)!

Once.

These are just some random photos I took while here at SJSU.
They're actually just webcam photos.

I'll tell you a story about each one.

I took this photo when I got kicked out of my dorm because my desk light was keeping my roomate up. I'm in the common area. I ended up watching Anastasia and it was all bleh. It was alright, I learned that we had Wi-fi and I was able to access the internet from here. I wasn't too happy about being kicked out of my room, but I had to deal with it. I eventually talked with my roomate and we got stuff figured out.

Today I pledged to Alpha Phi Omega Gamma Beta. Otherwise known as APHIO (chapter Gamma Beta).
That's my pledge pin I got. I have to wear it everyday, everywhere. I'm so excited to be a part of this frat! For those of you who don't know APhiO is a co-ed community service fraternity. I met my sponsor and he seems pretty cool. I also met some of my big bros and big sisters! I'm also in a pledge class (41) people in my pledge class. I met some pretty awesome people in my pledge class. I "met" Bonnie, and Will. I don't know, everything was so awesome. I won't elaborate on it, in case it's supposed to be secret on how the initiate us.

Help pl0x

Am I retarded?
How does this equal 31?

Random.

Igloos. Misted In Super Sauce. Young Oranges United.

I'm in class right now.
Joe brooks.
The little things, I miss.
But you don't miss them at all do you? Or maybe you do, I wouldn't know I can't read minds.
I woke up veryyy cold today. The roomate left the window open. I freeze everytime. The cold air just hits me first. Whenever the wind blows, it blows through me and takes away all feeling. Numbness.

I am like a ticking time bomb,
Hear my clock tick tick tick
Watch my hands count down.
Tick tick tick
Tick tick tick

Boom.

The Corp (this post is so out of order)

It sounds weird, I know, but I miss the summer. The summer where I waited for you to come back home because I missed you. Every day felt like months, sometimes years, and not hearing back from you made me think that you didn't care. I now know that you did, and I don't know. I tried in my own way to make you remember me, to not forget me. Every time I saw you or got to be with you was an amazing moment, I was so happy. I got to see and be with you, no matter how brief, I cherished every moment. I'm sorry I just never told you that.

When you were out there with your corp, the look on your face after a performance, how you glow when you talk about the corp, everything, the passion you have when you were with them, on or off the field. I'm envious of it, but I also miss the way you glow, the way you carried yourself whenever you were with them. I miss the affect they had on you, I miss the way you...I don't know. For me, it feels like...you were happier with them, happier than I can ever provide. I'm not sad or anything, I'm just glad that I could see you so happy, so passionate about something. I'm proud that you are with them, I'm proud that you...actually cared for something as much as you did when you were with the corp. I look at myself, I see that I am nothing compared to the corp. I'm not sad, or mad, I'm just stating the facts as I see it. I will always be here for you, whenever you need me. I'm not your world, the corp is your world. It has always been your world since you've known it.

Now I see that school has started. I know you listen to them on Youtube. I know you miss them.
I miss you being with them. It hurts me because you aren't with them, and it hurts me that I will never get to experience what you got to experience. I won't get to experience it. I'll leave it to you to go back to, because...it brings the best out in you. It proves to everyone that you can do whatever you put your mind to. You serve as an inspiration to all who know you. You're intelligent, determined, strong, and you care. If I had half, or even a quarter of your talent, I'd  be amazing. But the fact is I don't have half of your talent, I have way less than that. You'll get far in life, where ever or whatever you dare to pursue. I love you, and I love what you do. It's admirable hard work that you do.

I can't do what you do. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't be part of it. You see, I was never passionate enough for what you do. I never had half of or even a quarter of your talent.
But you do. You have all the talent and willpower necessary to be in the corp.
And every time you think about it, every time you talk about it, just know that you're doing something that's meaningful to you, and inspirational to everyone else.

So don't give up. Keep working on what you're doing, because I know you'll be great. I just ask that you won't forget me when you become famous, and always remember all those who helped you along the way.

I love you. <3

Because bitcching and complaining about my life is easier than actually doing anything about it.

So, I couldn't sleep last night. The most sleep I got was mostly fitful rest. I kept waking up, tossing and turning, (I heard Angelica farting, that was like the third time I've heard her farting at night. Seriously I think she farts every night, and I just assume it was like the bed creaking or something. I've been lucky, I hadn't smelled anything...yet.)

I woke up at 3AM and attempted to go back to sleep. And now I'm here at the DC eating breakfast by myself. Say hi to my breakfast.

Diakfvorksnaks

I need a haircut.

Oh, and the thought if school and moving back into my dorm highly distresses me. I really don't want to go back, mainly because I feel very trapped there. There's only so much to do at SJSU.
I sort of hate the feeling I get when I'm there. I never feel satisfied. I always want to do things, but I have limited sources.

Tentative

Tentative

December 19th, 2012.

Sighz.

It's hard to help someone when the person you're trying to help doesn't want you there.
#relatable

Doubt

More doubts. I feel like everyone knows more about muscles and physical therapy than I do. Maybe I'm not meant for this...I mean like...at least they have basic knowledge. What do I have? I know nothing.

It hurts.

I had an ortho appointment a few days ago. They added two new brackets and they tightend everything.

The simplest things make my mouth burn or hurt. I know the pain will go away soon, but the stinging sensation won't go anytime soon.

Eating anything hard or solid would make my teeth hurt.
Brushing my teeth makes my upper lip (inside) sting and burn. Eating fruits makes it burn. It's a literal pain. I can't enjoy food that much at the moment. Apparently the pain is supposed to get worse though. They added some new things. When these "new things" start poking at my gums, then I have to go in again and get them...I don't know, taken off? Trimmed off? Something like that. Oh well, such is the life of I. In a state of semiconsistant uncomfort

Howl's Moving Castle

):
Howl's moving castle is like story of my life.
Sophie's like me, and Howl is like the other. No wonder why I like the movie so much. It's about sacrifice, giving it all you've got and so much that applies to me.
I don't know how to express everything in words. I guess you just have to be me and watch the movie yourself.

I'm coming home tomorrow.

KOREANNNNS

I'm back on my KPOP streak again. BEWARE. :3

This is so cool. O_O
I WANNA DO ONE.

http://deaddrops.com/db/index.php?page=view&id=249&PHPSESSID=2o6i6m3ibm9e8p8tr32c70ptr4

All night.

Up all night. I have a lot of things to think about.

I'm not going to Si-Yao's event. I'm feeling..."unwell."
What shall I do today then? Simple. I shall do my homework. I have a lot to catch up on still.

I wanted to watch my movie then sleep in my own bed. But that didn't happen. I asked my roomate if it was okay if I watched my movie on my bed. She said something along the lines of "I'll be trying to sleep...the light will bother me," then asked me to move to te common room. Then my plan was to watch my movie and crash on the couch, but of course, some random person is there, so I'm sitting at the table, playing Bejeweled on my phone. I shut my computer off since it only had about 17% life left.

Thanks random stranger that asked me if I was okay. I guess people who don't know me know when something's wrong. People who know me don't know anything's the matter.

Oh and it's pretty damn cold out here in the common room. I should've brought out a jacket.

Scores:
Angelica: X one strike, two to go.

Family and friends: 0
Strangers: 1

Possibility of Getting sock. 40%
fun.

Balcony

I'm here sitting on top of the arena enterence. It would be so easy to just leap down from the balcony I'm on.

I can't do this anymore. I wish someone would come get me. I don't even have a shoulder to cry on anymore. Everyone's too tied up with their own shit. And here I am. On top of the balcony, looking down.

It would be too easy.

Swan

I had lunch with Swan today at La Victoria.

He totally cured me of my loneliness. And I appreciated it too, I'm not sure if he knows how much I appreciate it, but that's alright.

Anyways, we just talked, and reminisced on a lot of things. We talked about DCI, about math, about other people. It was nice. I guess that's what I've been missing. I've been missing talking about things from a while back. 

Then, we afterwards we went back to my dorm and we talked for a long time there. We disccused mostly band trips and how much fun they are. Haha. Then we tried to figure out who added Mr. Yaeger on the Percussion page, and we couldn't figure it out.

Swan also changed my wallpaper and the borders on my laptop. Now, I have pink borders and really awesome wallpaper. :D

Thanks for today Swan! I really needed it. <3

Oh and here's what swan changed my background to...
Do you like the pink? Haha.

Touch

I want to be in physical contact with another person right now.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm pretty freaking lonely. There's no one to physically talk to this late at night. I'm all alone.

College?

I was going to send you this, but you seemed busy so I didn't...

I guess this is how I really feel about college.


"I really do miss you a lot, did you know that? Last night, I wanted to hop onto the next bus going to Milpitas. 
Sometimes I can't stand it here. It hasn't even been a week, and I'm so home sick. Sometimes I regret dorming.
And, at the same time, sometimes it feels fine. I feel like I could fit in here, I could function like a normal person. I could enjoy myself, but the feeling is usually short lived, I don't know why. Maybe it's because I dislike getting kicked out of my room at night, or maybe it's beacuse I don't get along with most other people here, since they sort of look at me like I'm the little snobby Chinese girl that gets whatever she likes. I'm not spoiled, and you know that. Sigh. I wish...I don't know. I wish for so many things, but I give up wishing that they'd come true. I don't know how long I'll last here. It really feels like a combination of Hell and of torture. Sometimes it's light torture, but mostly, it's heavy. I'm trying to adapt, to fit in, but it's hard. I don't fit in. I really don't.
I mean sure, it's great that I go out and socialize, it's great that I work out, that I eat lunch with others, sure all of that is fine and dandy, but...I can't shake the feeling that I don't belong. It's still the first week, maybe I just need more adjusting, but...if everything's going to be the way it is now, I don't want to come back. I know, it's a waste of $1,300...so, that's why I can't leave. I don't want to waste money. I'm not even comfortable in my own dorm room bed. It feels like I'm staying at a hotel, and I'm so used to hotels being temporary. I feel like dorming here is temporary."

If you ever asked me why I never told you any of this, it's because...I don't want to distract you, I want you to be able to work without having to worry about me, or without having to be there for me, when I'm never there for you.

College.

So uh, my suite mates invited me to a frat party.
Uhm, and I think my other roomate is going to have sex with her boyfriend.

Welcome to college life.

Favorite Artist? :D

Does anyone want to buy this for me? Teehee, I love Stephanie Mabey. She's AMAZING. This is the whole album, all the songs too. :3

What.

Well.
For the past few days I've been going in and out of my dorm, walking up and down the stairs. I think I'm good on the exercise. Lol. Oh, and at the same time I've been staying up late. Late enough where my sentences don't make sense anymore. I'm so tired right now.
MEOWWWWWWWW.

Yeah, I'm tired.

Ache

It's that slow slow ache that just eats away at your heart. It weakens it, and then you feel it break. You know this is a goodbye, and all I feel is sadness. I don't want this to be our last goodbye. I want us to be there for each other til the end. But it's so hard, knowing that we'll be away from each other. Knowing that...you'll find someone else. Knowing that life goes on, even though it feels like we're stuck here.

This isn't goodbye. I couldn't say goodbye to you.

Life

I'm tired of being dragged to places where they don't want me. I'm tired of exclusive social crowds and cliques, and I'm tired of trying to fight for a position within these cliques and crowds.

It's gotten out of hand. This game has been going on for too long and it's gotten too hard. I don't want to play this game anymore. I want to quit and come back later, but there is no "pause" or "rewind" or "stop" or "save game" button for life. It just keeps on going no matter what.

I want life to "pause" at all the right moments, and "rewind" to my favorite parts. I want to "stop" life to savor the swetest moments, but I especially want to "save game" after all is said and done.

Last night was hard. But today? I don't know how today will be. I just want things to be back to what it used to be like. But I guess time will tell.

I don't know anymore where I stand.
I guess we'll see what happens.

More Quotes

WHY AM I EVEN AWAKE?

Blah.

Not to be a selfish bitch, but do you know what it feels like to have something so simple taken away from you? Like...to have your whole downstairs feel like...it's not even home
To you? Yeah. That's exactly What it feels like. That your own home doesn't even belong to you anymore.

And I hate this feeling. But that's what it feels like, it feels like losing a part of your home.

No offense or anything, but I don't think she's strong enough for my brother. She's dependent, she can't really deal with things herself, and it seems to me my brother is always comforting her. I don't see anything reciprocate. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is just my observations. I know I'm just judging from first apperances, but I'm not a big fan.

Oh well, whatever. Like my mom said I have to get over it. My parents are amazing.

WISHLIST.

Updated 8/6/2012 10:00AM
Got item 1. :O
1. Babee Pullover
Limited Edition.
$30.00

Raglan pullover top. Super comfy
loose fitted, medium-weight sweater.

Color: Heather Grey

60/40 super soft poly/cotton blend

Quantities are Limited.

More to come, if I'm feeling selfish. Haha.

Childhood in a nutshell.

I got this off of Facebook. This is seriously my childhood. I remember all of this shit. Hahaha, man, I'm old. D:

If you're under the age of 17 you shouldn't even read this; and if you do, you should not repost.

Just because you were born in 1996 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. ... It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons - I am sorry but four years of the 90's just wont cut it.

You're a 90s kid if, you remember watching...
-Kenan and Kel
-Doug
-Pinky and the Brain
-AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
-Rocko's Modern Life
-Animaniacs
-Courage the Cowardly Dog
-Hey Arnold
-Clarissa Explains it All
-The Simpsons
-The Fresh Prince of Bel air
-Nickelodeon Slime Time
-Family Feud

You've ever ended a sentence with the word PSYCHE!
You just cant resist finishing this: "In west Philadelphia born and raised...

You remember:
-Step by Step
-Family Matters
-Dinosaurs
-Boy Meets World

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

When everything was settled by:

-rock paper scissors or
-bubble gum bubble gum in a dish

When kickball was something you did everyday!! and you played on the monkey bars and knew at least one kid who broke their arm falling off of it...
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.
You remember when Super Nintendo became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to Americas Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching:
-The Magic School Bus
-Wishbone
-Reading Rainbow
-Ghostwriter on PBS

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
And you played with Gak, Silly Putty and Sticky Tack that you stole from the teachers walls.
You remember eating Warheads and Smarties

You remember watching:
-The 1st Batman
-Aladdin
-Ninja Turtles
-Ghost Busters
-X-Men

You remember Ring Pops!!!
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
You remember boom boxes vs. CD players
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere u went

You watched the original cartoons of
-Rugrats
-Wild Thornberrys
-Power Rangers (with the Green ranger)
-Rocket Power
-Transformers

All your school supplies were Lisa Frank or Five Star brand

If you collected:
-Beanie Babies
-Pokemon cards (the oringinal 150)
-Coins with the states on them
-Carebears
-Silver dollars, which were cool to have

Everyone watched the WB
If you even know what an original Walkman is..

You know the Macarena by heart
"Talk to the hand". . .enough said.
You went to McDonald's to play in the play place
Before the MySpace/Facebook/Twitter frenzy...
Before the Internet & text messaging...
Before Sidekicks & iPods ...
Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360...
Before Spongebob...
When light up sneakers were cool and you had spiral spring shoelaces
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs
When gas was $1.
When we recorded stuff on VCR
You had slap bracelets!
You actually played outside until it was dark!

Way back-before we realized all this would eventually disappear...
ONLY REPOST IF YOU SMILED AT AT LEAST HALF OF THESE THINGS BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES.

Worst day

Today was one of the worst days of my life. I got into a car accident, and it was my fault. My fault.

Stayed up late, woke up late.
Stayed up til 3AM, but I didn't respond to that text message yousent becaue I didn't want you to know I was awake, since you'd get mad. Briefly opened my eyes around 10-11AM. I was going to text you but I was afriad you would've already been on the plane. So I went back to sleep and woke up at 2PM. Teehee.
Today, I plan to read some more, and work on a few projects. Tomorrow, Mission Peak, and hanging out with Brian, if I don't fall asleep, haha. Then..I don't know. I needa make more plans with people I guess. :O
Until then, I shall miss you, and I will text you every day! <3

Airplanes

I couldn't sleep a few nights ago.
When I finally drifted off to sleep, I had a strange dream.
I was with a group of people my age. They were either classmates, band friends, or people I know from somewhere or met from someplace. We were going on a trip to somewhere towards the East. We had to take two planes, one was a stop-over flight. We boarded the first airplane, with no problems. We got to the second airport, and I remembered being in a large hanger that had no roof. Somehow, the airplane we were boarding ran out of space inside the plane, so a couple of my...mates and I decided to ride on TOP of the airplane. I remember I was sitting on top of the nose, and a female friend of mine was sitting behind me somewhere. I had the box of colored pencils with me, and I had paper too. I think I was drawing somethingfor someone, but I can't remember. The airplane took off, and I kept my balance on the plane, but then I was the first person to fall off the plane. The colored pencils fell first, then I did, then my friend. We had a soft and lucky landing becaue we weren't too far off the ground. The airplane flew off without us. Then there were Jeeps heading towards us filled with band parents. Next thing we know, we were being herded somewhere else. And that's all I remember.

The Shop is Closed.

If I could write about how I feel right now, it'll probably take a few books. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this. Ryan (either of them), Christian (but I'm sure he doesn't want to hear any of it), Steven (I'm sure he's tired of hearing it), Viet (I don't want to rain on his good moods) Brian...but I'm tired of disappointing him.

I just want someone to listen to me, reassure me. But that's life.
God. The only thing I can thing of right now is the last day of school. Andrew was there for me. While I cried so hard, the hardest sobs I had ever cried. I wish...I wish I could talk to him again. I know he has problems, but..he's always been there for me, and I was never there for him. Maybe I picked Andrew because I knew he'd understand why I was crying so hard, why it meant SO much to me...

I don't know anymore. I just wish this twisted dance will end.

Well well well.
Certain things have come and gone, and certain things have arrived.
Let briefly tell you all about my Europe trip.

Europe was...different. I liked London for the Harry Potter museum (and for other things), I liked Paris for it's elegance, I loved Switzerland the most, and Italy had amazing food.
The people on our tour were pretty awesome. Even though they were mostly Asian (Chinese), I'm sad that I didn't get to know them better, sooner. We met an amazing family with the last name Chao. They're pretty awesome, they have a daughter, Isabel, and a son, Ethan. Ethan is so random, but he's great. He's starting freshman year this year. Isabel is starting either 7th or 8th grade.We'll hang out with them soon, after they get back from Spain and stuff.

We also met another family with the last name of Hurlow (they're Cantonese). Okay, I'll be honest. Everytime I go onto a trip I always have to...find an interest in one of the guys on our trip. Back in 2009 (China trip) I had an interest for Brian, the guy closest to my age from the other family. This time though, I had an eye for Andrew. I don't know why, but he's pretty interesting to me. Maybe it was because at that one dinner I seemed to notice him for the first time, or maybe it was because he was watching me. I'm not sure. But I had a fascination with him anyways.

Now I'm going to put some random note here at the bottom that'll be pretty damn cryptic.
7/22/2012 or was it the 21st...anyways.
"Stop worrying about her stabbing you."
"Okay I won't."
"Because I won't let it happen."
------------------------------------------------------------
"There are a lot of Jlam look-a-likes here."
"Is that a problem?"
"No. It isn't."
"I know, more eye-candy for you, right?"
"It's not a problem because I have you."

Do you ever wonder...
How did this happen?

Ohhayy.

You say you're not good enough for me. But to me, you're (almost :P) perfect.

Fangirling.

It's way too late (early?) to be fangirling right now.

But I am, and no one cares because it's summer. So...

JOE BROOKS, OMG. HE IS SO FINE. <3
He's so cute, like, no lie. Have you seen him in this music video?!

EXACTLY. Look at him! That hair, those eyes, that smile, the clothes he wears (I have mentioned that I like a guy in a suit, right?), his voice. <3

Okay done fangirling over Joe Brooks. Moving on...

DID YOU SEE THE BOSTON CRUSADER'S DRUM MAJOR? HE IS SO CUTE. Asian, tan, has command/position of power. DANG. He's really really cute. I should've gotten a photo with him, DAMN! Oh well. Maybe next time? :3

Some quotes

I got these off of a Facebook group named Positve Outlooks.

Miss(ing)

I MISS HIM SO MUCH. </3

The best graduation gift I got was from him.
I wear this necklace everyday, because in a way it makes me feel like I'm closer to him.
I'm glad he calls/texts me everyday though. <3

Oh yeah, follow me on instagram! I post and update that way more.

My Heart Will Wait

THIS SONG.
Has made me feel things.
Has spoken everything that I couldn't say...

This song...
has broken me down, and at the same time, it has healed me.

Be Okay

Contradicts the previous video.
But I just wanna be okay today.

Half Life

Just listen to it.

Confession

At night, before I go to sleep, you're the one I think about.

Most of the time, I wish you were right here, lying beside me.

Sad videos.

Well. It's time for Depressing Videos!

Scared?

Of course I'm scared.
I'm completely terrified.
I don't know what you'd think if I told you this.

I guess I'm scared that you'd think of me as fragile, as more...vulnerable.

I'm Not That Girl (reprise).

Things

It torments me. All of this. Everything you don't want to know, everything you don't want to acknowledge. What pains me the most is the stuff you don't know. Maybe I'm not telling anyone this stuff because I know that no one listens when I speak, when I yell, no one hears. Screaming these problems would just fall on deaf ears. So I gave up. I don't even have the strength to tell anyone or blog about it. I just keep it in, let it internally eat at me. It's my problem not yours, anyways. I just have to deal with it. I just hope I don't break.

Wonderful - Broadway Play Wicked

"I never asked for this or planned it in advance...Wonderful. They call me wonderful. So I said 'Wonderful, If you insist.'"

I wish. Wonderful just isn't something I am. It's something everyone else is.

Unchanged

I want to go to a place that's unchanged by time and date.
I want to escape to the rush of it all, and just go
To the place unchanged by time and date.

I want to find this place, that's unchanged by time and date
Where everything is the same, everything has remained
In the place unchanged by time and date.

Young children laughing and playing,
Elderly people smiling and reminiscing
In this place unchanged by time and date.

Everything is still, like a picture
Everyone is frozen in time
In this place unchanged by time and date.

The weather's always perfect
The sun is out, not a raincloud in the sky
In this place unchanged by time and date.

There's this fantasy world, you see,
That I have created to help me escape from me.
In this place unchanged by time and date.

Irrational Fear

It's just a fear.
I don't want him to go anymore. Spending those long hours on the bus with some pretty colorguard girl, getting closer, getting to know her. And I won't be anything to you then. And that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of losing you. I don't want to lose you to someone else, I don't want you to go on tour, I want you with me, here.
It's just an irrational fear. Please, reassure me nothing will change between us. I'll always love you, but after your tour will you always love me?

Movie fact about me

Another thing about me:

I cannot watch a part of a movie I haven't seen before. I have to watch it from beginning to the end. If it's a movie I've already saw, I'm okay with jumping in the middle, but I prefer not to.

Merp

I wonder. I hope things don't change between us. I'll always remember the day.

May 26, 2012.

I finally got to know what you were going to tell me. I don't know why you waited or anything. Why you waited til I was off my period is beyond me. But hey. Thanks. <3

Inspiration

I think we all need some inspiration. Today, is Inspiration Day. Spamming of inspirational quotes will now commence.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/30ugyU/:cjRDGGj!:HaH-qXw!/familyonbikes.org/blog/2011/11/50-lessons-i-wish-i-had-learned-earlier/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/7Vg2OC/:pAHUBA8f:HaH-qXw!/www.wittyprofiles.com/q/1944505/