Moral dilemma

What would you do if you were in a building and you knew it was going to blow up and you tried to warn people, but no one will listen? Would you just be quiet and leave or would you stay and die with them?

To...

Delta college. Overall, not a bad day. I will admit to crying on the bus. Why? I was listening to "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" by Oasis and re-reading old text messages from Robin. For those of you who don't know, Robin was my cousin who passed away last October. I was thinking about him on the bus because he used to live in Tracey with his brother. On our way back from Delta, we went down the same highway I went down after visiting Robin one night. It was...let's just say...when I went to visit Robin in Fresno; he was dying. I remembered just watching the road and scenery go by and I remembered driving by Stockton and driving by that same highway. And that just struck really close to home. And just that road lead to a string of flashbacks and of memories, good and bad.

I miss Robin. He was one of the sweetest people I knew. Look at this text he sent me one day.
Everything happened so fast.
He passed away 11 days afte sensing me that text. The day he sent me the text, he was alright. He could talk, he could move (I think.) Then, he couldn't do any of that, and that's when we visited him. We visited him on the 22/23. Two days later, he was gone.

October 25, 2011.
I miss you.

Rocks, rocks, rocks.

So sometimes I just feel like smashing in the back of my head with a veryyy pointed rock. It's just one of those moments again where I'd rather be unconcious than awake. Ughh.

FUCK THE SYSTEM.
FUCK IT ALL.

Character A

So...today was a decent day. Fairly decent. Things happened, and I'm not going to go into detail. Let's just say...my emotion level was up, then in...fifth period it went down, then it was alright after that...I don't know. It's actually hard to explain how I felt about today (yesterday) I guess I felt conflicted on many different levels. I guess I'll try to map it out like this...

Level one: Emotional internal conflict between character A and character A.

Level two: Slight emotional distress in character A when she saw the timpani head. Pictures included.

Level three: Character A very unhappy and distressed after listening to a recording of last night's concert. Character A's upset thoughts: "Why should other innocent people suffer for something you didn't care about? Why should they be punished for something that was your fault? It isn't fair to them and it isn't fair to yourself either. Why should other people be subject to your forever changing emotions about being in the same piece of music as character R? Just move on already. Forget about her. What makes her so different, so special? If it's because of looks, there's better out there. Move on, and stop subjugating yourself to your own misery, because you're also subjugating everyone else to your misery. Stop saying 'fuck character R' because we all know how you feel about her. Rejection hurts, we understand. Now, stop pursuing her and purse something that's worthwhile to you."

Level four: Character A goes home and takes a long nap. She wakes up 5 hours later. She goes downstairs. Character A's parents are talking aboutt her with other parents. Character A attempts to ignore what her parents are saying. Character A still feels like a failure when they talk about her. Character A gets a text message soon after. She is somewhat relieved for the distraction.

Level five: Character A is filled with regrets because she needs to fill out her appeal paper. She is also filled with memories that makes her happy. Character A is conflicted indeed.

I hope I didn't repeat.

A key

I figured something out. Keep this in mind:

"You won't be the first and you won't be the last."

This quote can be applied to most things. Like life, for example. You weren't the first person to be born, and you won't be the last to die. There will always be someone who has gone the path before you, and there will always be someone who is behind you.

It also applies to love. You have loved others before. You love your parents and friends, but they won't be the last people you love. You'll grow to love different friends, your family, your spouse, etc.

It's especially true for college acceptances and rejections. You weren't the first to get accepted or rejected from college, and you certainly won't be the last.

The list goes on indefinitely. I actually like this way of thinking. It sort of makes me feel better.

A normal conversation

1:40AM

Me: No, but we were talking about this other thing...
Mom: Wait, wasn't that IN the car?
Me: No, it was before we GOT to the car when we were talking...
Mom: I'm confused. Weren't we talking about it IN the car...?
Me:...you know what? FUCK THIS. I'm going to bed.
Mom: LOL OKAY.

Just a normal conversation with my mommy. :D

I'm thinking about making another slide show.

V^_^V

Actually, I'm planning on making another youtube account, so I can stalk cloudstrife718. LOL, I'm just kidding! I really do want to make another slide show. I just needa get my lazy butt to start working. Quick! I need some motivation!

Maybe I should've have eaten that raw cookie dough. Now I have a stomachache. D:

Short

Things have been happening, and lately, I don't know. I dislike being me (I blame my period) but at the same time, I just hate the emotions I'm going through and how I'm just distancing myself from everyone. I'm very apathetic this week. It's more or less of "I'm way too stressed out, tired, emotionally drained, busy, and I don't care anymore" feeling.

Okay, so...let's put this in short.
1. I had a pretty bad dream last night. Let's just say that I predict the world will end on May 22, 2012. Don't go into San Francisco at that time either. I gotta remind myself not to go into a skyscraper of any sorts. My family and I died in my dream and we came back as ghosts. Apparently, death doesn't hurt that much. Interesting...

2. Got rejected from UCLA. No surprise there. The only surprise was that I didn't cry. Yeah, I still feel pretty useless and pretty bad about it, but I knew it was going to happen.

3. My prom dress came in. It's a pretty blue-gray color. It's a little long for me still, but it's nice and elegant. We're going to get it hemmed.

4. I don't know how to deal with my emotions at the moment. I won't elaborate.

I guess that's it for now. I have a few questions for you, since I haven't really been in the best of moods lately.

1. How are you?
2. How's school?
3. What's new with you?
4. Why are you never ever there for me when I really need you? I'll just assume it's because
   a) You don't care
   b) I'm not important to you (wouldn't be the first time I wasn't important to someone.)
   c) You don't want to deal with my shit, which is a totally appropriate reason, and a reason why I haven't texted you at every waking moment of my life.

5. We need to talk. This isn't a question, it's a statement.

Okay, well, HAND. (Have A Nice Day)

I like...

I like peach rings. :3
I wish I had some now. :/

MUDDAR.

Dearest mother.

-_______________________________-"

I KNOW YOU READ THIS, SO I'MMA TELL YOU THIS NAO.

Stop pestering me about prom dates! It's two months away, and yeah, I know, you want me to have a date all squared away now, and I'm about 99% sure no one's going to ask me, so chillax. I don't plan on asking anyone either. I'm not going to ask anyone, I'll wait for them to ask me. If no one asks me, I'm okay with going by myself. NBD.  Besides, we have TWO months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS.

Stop putting pressure on me. ._.

Feel free to comment on this dearest mother, since I know you will later on.

Tidbits.

Just the random thoughts from my mind.

Who is she, Mary Poppins?

When I sleep I dream and it gets me by, I can make believe that you're here tonight.

Sleep is a beautiful escape. When I sleep it doesn't hurt anymore. The medicine I usually take hasn't really stopped it from hurting, it hasn't done anything really. But when I sleep, the heaviness wears off, and yet, it inhabits me at the same time and everything just feels...I dunno, I guess I feel like deadweight. I can't form words to describe what it's like to fall into a deep sleep.

Who do you think you are? Barging in, on me and my guitar, little girl, hey. The door's that way. You'd better go, you know the fire's out anyways.

There's only us. Only tonight. Forget regrets, or life is yours to miss. No other way. No other path. No day, but today. I can't control my destiny. I trust my soul my only goal is just to (be)li(e)ve.


Rent.
School.
Prom.
School.
College.
Rejection.
Acceptance.
Life.
Life will always move on.

I thought I was the only one who liked mint chocolate chip ice cream. I guess I found someone else who likes it just as much as I do too. I've never met someone who's favorite ice cream was the same as mine.
We have a pact together. If we're not married by 70, we're going to marry each other.

Just floating tidbits.

:/

Mehh. I just don't want to be home. Homelife makes me feel sad and depressed. :/

Asdfghjkl

I forgot to say something about today. Something weird happened at lunch, and I'm not sure about it, sorta iffy. Anyways, I was sitting on te bench with BLam, and Andy comes out of nowhere and like, hugs me. Wtf? And Helen was like less then 20 paces away! Okay, that was all to report, kknight.

Edits.

Sigh...I'm not mad at you anymore. It's in the past, and I don't want to be mad at you for something so trivial.

And I'm sorry Viet. You were also there for me but I forgot to acknowledge you. My apologizes.

Ryan, Terry, and that other guy.

Thanks Ryan for being there for me and providing the support I need.

And thanks Terry for saying those comments on my earlier blog posts.

All I needed was some words of encouragement which only two (outside of family) people ever bothered to give me. I thank you two, thank you for being in my life.

For that other person? Yeah, I guess I'll thank you too. I am sort of mad at you. You wanted to hang out, I did too. But you just went offline and I had no idea where you went or if you wanted to hang out. So you know what? I just said fuck it, since you sort of left me. So I guess I'll thank you for that. All I actually wanted was a hug and some reassurance. But that didn't happen. Oh well, whatever, I'll forgive you eventually.

More Quotes. [random]

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I know

This is how you feel sometimes.
But this is also what you must do, SO DO IT.

Hi.

 

So...yeah. Just some quotes I found via stumbleupon and just felt like sharing and posting them. For most of them, I think they hold pretty true to me, and to some others. Some of them are "stupid" love quotes that some people MAY think I like someone (Mom. -_-), but I don't. It's just things that hold true to me.