I'm trying to break free, but it seems like you're just trying to tie me back down.

Damn you school.
-shakes fist at sky-

...

Oh, hey thanks. -_-

Strange Dream

It was so realistic. A bunch of friends and I went up to the hills to go skiing/snowboarding. We had to cross through this rickity plastic/bamboo covered walk way. I remember Kim, Trang, and Johnathan there with me, quite distinctly. While we were walking, Johnathan asked me if I was going skiing. I said I wasn't because I suck at winter sports. He told me that there were a bunch of clowns that inhabit the bottom of the slope, and only bother the people who aren't skiing or anowboarding. I thought that then would be the perfect time to somehow I got ahead of them and I made it to the other side (where all the snow was) first. But Sheldon and Graham were blocking my way out, and when I looked back Kim, Trang and Johnathan were gone. I jumped past Sheldon and went off looking for the three.

I can't remember the rest anymore. I took a nap earlier today, I had another dream. And then, I don't remember anything...

Ringtoneee

The most productive thing I did last week? Probably changing my ringtone. I love it! :D I changed it to "The Zombie Song."

"Our love story could be kind of gory..."
Nahh, I didn't change it to that part of the song, I changed it to the chorus. "If I were a zombie, I'd never eat your brains. I'd just want your heart, just want your heart, just want your heart, 'cause I want ya."

If I could, I would've already downloaded "Surrender" and "I Know You're Out There" by now. ):

Conversation

Question: I want to be perfect now, but if there's no such thing as perfect, how do I become it?

Answer: You don't. Just stay as you are, there isn't anything wrong with you. Besides, everyone's perception of perfect varies, so there is no perfect anyways.

...I just had a conversation with myself...

"She dreamed of para para paradise."

Ski Week Summary.

Overall, this has been a decent break. I went bowling a few times, I got to bond and chill with family, go zip line, I got to...take a break in a sense. It was all good. The best part about this break, besides being with friends, would probably be that I learned alot. I learned something about myself within the span of a week. I learned what my problem was and how I can fix it and how it affected me. It's actually kind of funny. You become the person you strive not to become. I became the person I never wanted to be, but luckily, I caught myself. I do admit it was a little late, but hey, better late than never, right? Anyways, I guess that's all I have to say. A good break and a good time to fix things. :D

Whelps, I'm off for the night. Happy Monday to you all. :P

Thank you

Thank you.

For setting me free.

D:

Oh god, this embarrassment will last me a lifetime. T_T

Softly Listening.

Surrender by Stephanie Mabey.
I Know You're Out There by Stephanie Mabey.

Wake Up Dreaming.

Pulling at heartstrings.

Sometimes I wonder if everything was a dream.

Something to cherish

Purple jade bracelet. I'm wearing it now. I remember When I recieved this bracelet. Hawaii, around Christmastime at Auntie Carol's house. I was only a 6 or 7th grader, and my favorite color was purple at the time. Sitting on those stools in the kitchen, they said to me, "This is purple jade, it's super expensive. Don't lose it." Then they gave me the tiny white box that this bracelet contained. I opened the box, and I remembered feeling so overwhelmed. My grandparents had bought me something so costly when they were having financial troubles, and I was touched. I knew upon touching the bracelet that I would cherish it forever. It sounds so corny, but 5 to 6 years later, I still have it. I only wear it on the occasion that I remember I have it. I always know where it is, I never wear it, for fear that it'll be stolen from me, it'll break, or it'll fall off my wrist and I'll lose it. I keep it close to me though, it's always next to me, in my night stand.

I guess this is one of the few things I cherish and love. It's corny, but...I take the purple jade bracelet out whenever something happens, whenever I need space. I guess jade is great at making people feel better. If I had a choice, I'd go to the beach or something to unwind, but that's just me.

Mhm.

Hopeless? Maybe. But who cares anymore? Certainly not I. It wasn't meant to be, they say, it just wasn't right for you. Okay then, let's go with that.

Plea.

Is there any way to make you smile? Is there any way to make you happy? IS THERE? I want you to be happy. I NEED you to smile. Is it really that hard to be happy? Is it really that hard for you to smile? I guess that makes me a failure then. I tried to make you happy, I've tried to make you smile, I've tried everything I can to make you feel better, to make you happy, but nothing works. I guess I'm going crazy then. I'm going crazy because you worry me and I care so much about you. I ask you for one favor. One favor only. Be happy, don't fake it. Be genuienly happy.

Please...it's all I ask of you. Just please be happy. Please...

Do this for me. Everday that I'm gone, take a photo of you smiling and send it to me. Just dp it. Every single day, that's all that I want.

Please stop living in the past. Just move on. There's so many things to look forward to, but...you don't seem to see life in the right light, and I don't know what to do. Be simple, live, like every day was your last. Love with passion. Love your family. Love yourself. Love your friends. Love ypur passions.

Sigh...that's all I can say to to you...

Closed

I should just keep my mouth shut next time. My mouth and my fingers, so I don't type out my own doom.

Sarcasm.

Sarcasm. It was nicer than me typing a sarcastic post. This way, you get the message faster. -_-

Happiness

Fleeting. It was just a fleeting moment. Like seeing the sun before the clouds hide it. Like seeing a young child before she hides behind her mother. Like seeing a stray dog before it runs away. Those fleeting moments...

:D

I love her songs. Thank you stumbleupon for giving me another great artist to listen to!

New Favorite Artist?

TTT;

Hey, maybe this will help inspire you about your zombie love story if you didn't finish it? :D
Muse!

Blog Worthy

This is blog worthy.

HK

I know someone who really misses this place...
And one day soon, I hope he goes back so he'll be happy. I'll miss him when he goes, but he'll be happier. And I want him to be happy.

I worry about him a lot, and he's always stressing out and worrying but I know things will turn out alright. I hope he knows I'm going to always be there for him, forever. I hope he knows that he'll always have me.

I especially hope he has more good days than bad, and more good nights than bad. I love him as well as I can, and I hope he knows that.

Why?

Why hasn't anyone told me to shut up yet?

Pass On.

Starting today, I will embark on a mission to find those that I lost.

One day, I will find those people again, and maybe, I will have completed something good in life before I pass on what I have of me.

Thanks Terry for showing me this. This means so much to me.

Not the same.

It Will Rain- Bruno Mars.

I think this song describes my life up to a certain point. Sometimes I like change, sometimes I don't. Right now, I'm not liking change. I guess I'll describe what happened today.

I had an orthodontist appointment today. I found out my surgery will most likely get pushed back. This...this disappoints me to the verge of tears. I'm upset because...this was like my only change to change the way I look before I went to college. Before I get to meet new people; this was like the only way I could start over. That's how I saw it in my mind. I wanted a brand new start, I wanted people to stop looking at me differently. I don't think anyone really understands me when I say that people look at me differently. They do. Watch those little kids stare at me like I'm a freak. Watch those elderly people watch my every move like I'm going to rob them. I swear that's how they look at me, because I've seen people look at me like that before. It breaks my heart, and most of the time I can ignore it so it doesn't hurt. Sometimes, I'll get a certain look from someone, and it'll just break my heart, because they're looking at me like...I'm the scum of the Earth or something. That's how I feel. That's why I couldn't wait for this surgery, and that's why...why I wanted to change. I wanted to lead a somewhat normal life, without getting strange looks, without people (especially little kids) pointing out to me, "Hey, what happened to your lip?" I've endured it for 17 years. It's hard on me, very hard. I know I'm strong, but after a while...you kind of give up. It's like watching the wind and sea eroding a cliff. It slowly grinds away at you, and you're constantly reminded of it somehow.

After my orthodontist appointment, I came home, did nothing important, read a little bit for AP English, wrote up one scholarship application (the only one I've done), went to community band.

Now, at community band, everything was alright, going fine, etc. Until after community band. I'll list a series of words, I'll leave it up to the reader to piece together what happened, or what I was feeling.

Neglected. Sad. Upset. Angry. Ignored. Abused. Misunderstood.

Sure, they're broad, basic terms and they all mean pretty much the same thing. But...maybe you'll be able to piece together what happened. Good luck to you.

I feel like I should mention what happened, but I won't. I think I'll hold in the event, but I'll tell you the feeling. I'm sad, that's all. Just sad.

I'm not hungry anymore. I guess I was during community band, but I'm not anymore. Not after the day I've had.

Untitled.

Going off an earlier blog I wrote a while ago on a different blog...
Why am I so nice?

Right now, I'm actually pretty upset for reasons I will not disclose. Currently, a friend of mine is having a bad day. You know what I do? I put aside whatever rage, pain, emotion I have, and adopt this happy optimistic outlook and I try and cheer them up, when all I want to do is just sulk in the corner. I will admit, if you bother me in person when I'm in one of these moods, I WILL snap at you and be a bitch. At least I'm honest in that way.

A few years ago, I remember I was in a bad mood after PE one day. I was walking to class, when someone dropped their stuff on the ground. I bent down and helped them pick it up. Why? I don't know, I put aside a lot of things just to help people out, but usually no one really notices. Probably because no one knows, since I don't tell anyone. 

I think I'll continue on a different tangent on another blog post.

Today

I started. I think this is cause for celebration, yeah? :D

-_____-

Please ignore my emotions for the next 500 days.

Please and thank you. -_-

:l

And the barage of insults continue. ):
Sigh. I was doing so well...and now, yeah, I'm just sadface right now. Dunno anymore...someone save me.

Everyone

Dear all of my friends who read this,

Thank you for your support. It really helped, and I'm really greatful to each and every one and you. Thank you all again. :D

A little bit more at ease

It's late, I know. The darkness provides a sort of soothing cloak over one's thoughts. It is nighttime and I am at ease. I can face whatever challenges brings to me now. I have passed my fragile stage when the smallest things could have made me cry for a long time and I wouldn't be able to stop either. I'm happy that is over with. I am more at ease, I will not fall apart so easily now. Yesterday and the night before, I was vulnerable. Now I am not. I am gathering my strengths, and I won't be so fragile the next time around.

I believe I am almost ready.

No more.

No more smiles,

No more notes,

No more happiness,
No more hope.

:/ ?

Everything's been repaired, I guess. My eyes are red from my tissue dabbing though. I remind myself of vampires from the Twilight saga. That's all I have to say.

JY is available  12:32 am

Online: 1h 55m
    

 K 12:32 am
    hey are you awake?

 K 12:36 am
    i guess you aren't...but i wanted to tell you i'm having like the worst night of my life and i keep crying and shit because everyone hates me and i'm so stressed out and shit. here's something that i didn't post on my public blog.

    Maybe my nervous breakdown today was just insight into what was going to happen later on today. I really hate life right now. My period's now 8 days late, everyone's been asking me what colleges have accepted me when I got nothing so far, I feel like a damned failure, I have no one to talk to about this, Darren's being an asshole and decides to troll me, I'm stressed out...God, this list can go on and on. I'm so freaking upset right now, I'm crying. What did I ever do to you? The only thing I said was "will you please get off my profile? you're kinda pissing me off." That's all I said, and then you run up here and just hella yell at me and shit. Wow, really? I bet you feel really good about yourself right now, don't you? I feel just like shit, I feel horrible.

 K 12:39 am
    oh and i forgot to mention that i'm also hella tired. and then he comes in and yells at me. i just feel terrible right now. i literally cannot stop crying.
    and yes, i realize you're not going to be getting any of these IMs because you're probably sleeping or something. ugh whatever, i'll just go cry it out or something.

 K 12:41 am
    if by some freak chance you actually do get these messages, go text me or something, i'm signing off. goodnight, goodbye. i guess i'll repost everything i sent you just in case everything gets erased whenever you sign back on.

:S

7 days...
Should I be concerned now?

You and I

You know, you and I aren't much different. 

I think we both put ourselves into a similar position, although I didn't write a letter. That's a lie, I did write a letter, but it wasn't a normal letter, it was a random one. Look, I've really been thinking. You say you're over her, but you aren't. I know you aren't, and you know what? We're leading almost parallel lives. I can understand your pain, I understand a lot of how you feel, really.

Seriously. We should chill and just talk about all of this. I'll help you out, just like how I've always tried to. By the way, I know things, but I don't know your side of the story.

Pinpoint.

I had a hard time pinpointing the EXACT reason why I was so mad at you. When I got home, I realized what it was that I was so mad at.

I'm mad at the fact that I care way too much about you than you care about me. Maybe you care an equal amount for me, I wouldn't know. I show it way too often, and you show it not as often. Sure, I know you do care, up to a point. But I can't gauge where that point ends.

I'm also mad because I DON'T want to feel this way towards you. The answer to your question should've been "yes" and not maybe. I'm sure you can figure out which question that was. You're a smart kid. I know you don't feel the same way, I'm completely positive. But in either case, I just want to be friends anyways.

Oh, and I'm also mad because I want to go back to the past, where everything was so much better, like over the summer. I can honestly say that those days were one of the best days of my life. I'm sad because I won't ever have anymore moments like that anymore with you. You're busy with SCVC, and for me? I don't know what I'll be doing. I'm sort of just living day to day now. I miss how close we USED to be, but gradually, we drifted apart when school started. Did you notice that? Especially during second semester. Sometimes I feel like our friendship is supernova. Where there's this flash of brilliance and then it dies. That's how sometimes I feel like our friendship is like. I want it to be stable, not this flash of light. We both need stability in out lives. I know I'm not the most stable person on the Planet Earth. But I'll try anyways. I guess we need to both work harder in maintaining our friendship. I'm willing to try, and I hope you are too.

I can't tell you this in person. It's too hard for me. I can do it without looking you in the face, in the eyes. But that's just me. I used to pride myself on telling the truth all the time, but I'm just a hypocrite, I can't tell the truth myself. I say I don't tell lies, and that's at least partially true. When I tell you "don't worry about it." it usually means, "whatever happened I worked through it" or "don't worry yourself about this, you aren't involved so you don't need to worry." or "you weren't there when I needed you, so forget it." It's usually one of those meanings. I guess it can also mean "It's about you, and I don't want you to know about it." 


In either case, I'm better writing out my thoughts than just saying it. I can't articulate my thoughts that well verbally, but when I write, it comes out better, much smoother. I hope you understand. Sometimes I just need time to get my thoughts organized and I can't do things on-demand. 


On top of this, I hope somewhere, somehow, sometime we can spend time together, and work our way through whatever speed bumps come our way. If that's okay with you. Just tell me when, where, etc. 

When I'm gone, send a thought my way, and maybe, just maybe...
We'll see.

Dedicated to TTT.

Maybe this will inspire and motivate you. I can only try, but here, listen to this song. I hope your mom will become proud of her boy one day in the near future. And I'm almost positive she will, just like as I will be proud of you when you accomplish so much. If we can fight through this stress, if we can fight through this, then we'll be able to succeed. You'll go far, I've always thought that, and I won't change that thought.

Here's the reason behind this...maybe you can relate?

Forgotten

Sometimes I fear learning.

If you can learn how to live without your phone, or some other "necessity", then surely you can learn to live without me...and that's what I'm afraid will happen. You'll learn to live without me, and I'll be nothing but a memory to you. A strange and foreign memory.

A memory of someone you can forget, no matter what I do for you. You'll forget this too, you'll forget everything good  I've said and done for you.

And the sad part may be that I won't forget. But you will, because you never really cared.

Save Me - Josh Verdes.

Save me
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
She’s got me on my knees
I’m saying baby baby please
Don’t leave tonight without giving me
Some of your lovin’ it makes me weak
Somebody save me

And lately
I feel like I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
The way her lips just move
The way her hips just groove
The feelin’ I get when she says my name
It’s a feeling that never feels the same
Save me

Coz I found the
Love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
And I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone, oh someone
Save me now

And lately,
I know I’m goin’ crazy
I’ve got this lady
You’re now that’s all I think about
The next time I can take her out
I really don’t wanna feel this way
But I think it’s already way too late
Save me

I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone ooohh someone
Save me

Coz I’ve been there way too many times before
And everytime I say it’s not gonna work
Not this time so…save me
Just save me
Somebody save me

Yeah…oh ohhh

Coz I found the love that's a one of a kind
This time I’m in for it
and I know I’m in just way too deep
Someone…oh someone
I said someone….

Save me now

Save me now…

Patient.

I'm so patient, I listen to people complain, trying to see who has it worse off. Well, to be honest, no one who is reading this blog has anything worse off. You probably have a loving family, if you don't have a loving family at least you have loving friends friends, you have food, shelter, warmth, pretty much every necessity.

We're all one step above the Bundrens. Keep that in mind, will you?

Patient is a skill. I try not to complain, or bitch about what's going on about my life, since there's always someone that's there to say, "Oh that sucks, but you know what happened to me?" And then from there, they tell you how much worse their life is and how much you have that they don't. They guilt you, don't let them do that. Just be patient with them and let them rant to you about every single misfortune that they've ever encountered. It gets really frustrating sometimes, but...in the end, remember how you feel about what they told you. You can feel whatever you'd like to feel. Sometimes I feel, worse, better, sorry, bad, pissed off, and I'd be thinking "Well, that's your fault. You brought that upon yourself, smarty. Stop complaining, since you signed up for this knowing what the consequences were."

Sometimes I feel like that. But I never say that, unless I'm in a horrid mood and set on making someone feel bad. Being patient isn't easy. It's almost as hard as the waiting game.

There's no order to this post, it's just a rant.

Nothing Left

I have nothing left to say.

You've already taken the words from me, the feelings too.

Future?

Thinking ahead. 

I've been thinking a lot about the future. I just wish I knew what would happen later here...

Ouch.

I know you didn't mean it, how could you mean it? You didn't know, no one did except for us.
It was something he used to say to me. He called me "Kelly-girl".
It didn't even register that you said it til just now. I miss him so much, I still can't believe he's gone. But I still have every single text message he sent me, and I still have every single memory of him stored away. I miss him, I really do. Just you saying those words...just reminded me that he's not here anymore. It's okay, you didn't know. I don't mind you calling me that, I really don't. But it just struck a chord in me tonight.

Robin, I miss you and I hope you're surfing the clouds up there, wherever you are. I hope you're lying on your board and you take some time to think about us, and I hope you know that we're thinking of you too and we all miss you.

Past and Future.

The Past.

I miss how things used to be. The past, the past, the past seem to be the only thing I can think about lately. I rarely live in the present, I'm always in the past, or in the future. I seem to go back to the past because it reminds me of a time where everything was great, and now, everything's not so great anymore. I miss the way things used to be between this one person and I. We're so distant now, it makes me sad. He was one of my favorite, adorable freshmen, but now, we're just acquaintances again. I miss how close we used to be. ):

The Future.
I wish I was a Tralfamadorian. If I were, I'd know everything, past, present, future, everything was structured that way. You can't change it, because it has already happened. I loved that look on life. It really reflected on Calvinism(?), and predestination (some things I don't believe in). If I were a Tralfamadorian, I would know everything. How I would die, what would happen to me when I get into fights with others. I would know how everything would resolve. I would know how I died, but most of all, I would know what happened to me and if my life had any impact on the world in any way, shape or form. That's what I want to know. Did I ever have an impact on someone? WILL I make an impact on someone? The question has already been answered. I just need to keep on living to know.

So True.

Apprehension.

They say, with rain comes ease. 

I have yet to feel this ease they speak of. All I can feel is apprehension. I'm scared to know what's next. I just want everything to be alright, I want everything to be what it was before. I don't want to lose you, nor do I want to feel bad, or for you to feel bad for that matter. I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you. But it had to come out. Regrets? Sure, I could've told you in a more tact way, but I just couldn't, can't, bring myself to face you. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should have never told you this, and let the cycle keep going. I wonder how insane I would've become, how crazy.

I certainly feel bad, but I don't know if I should be feeling bad. I feel guilty, like i guilted you into...this dilemma. I know you have your worries too...I should've just kept my mouth shut. I don't know what to feel anymore. I wish I could just block out all emotion and just live life. Just block out happiness, anger, sadness, everything. Without emotion, the performance would fall flat they say. Well with emotion, the performance can turn into a train wreck, especially if it's in real life.

Would I rather fall flat? Or would I rather be filled with emotions?

Perfect

Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise

I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes

Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize

It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie

And as long as I can feel you holding on

I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave

Was it something I said or just my personality?

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize

It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie

And as long as I can feel you holding on

I won't fall, even if you said I wrong

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave

Was it something I said or just my personality?

When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide

When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside

It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me

You thought that you knew

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave

Was it something I said or just my personality?

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

'Cause that's what I said I would do from the start

I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave

Was it something I said or just my, just myself

Just myself, myself, just myself

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

- Perfect by Hedley

Dedicated to Ryan! (Sunday, February 21, 2010; 11:26PM)

My first blog post I've ever...posted.

Why hello there! I don't know who's going to be following/reading this anyways, but just to let you know, I AM A ALMOST DIE HARD PERCUSSIONIST.
To prove it (not that you would care)
- I love DCI with a passion.
- I love playing my crappy auxiliary instruments. (Tambourine, triangle, etc...)
- I LOVE PLAYING MALLETS MY NEW FOUND LOVE <3 - And J.R. Celski is amazingly cute.
Yeah, that last one was pretty random but HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY? He's adorable!(:
Anyways, that was just a brief intro to me. So, tell me about you!
From,
MalletPlayingMonkeyToy

P.S. I love marching band. <3

Frustration.

I seriously hate how you treat me.

I thought I can depend on you, trust you. I thought you were my best friend. I guess not, because whenever I need to talk to you, YOU'RE NEVER THERE FOR ME. At first I thought I was never there for you, but now I see that it's the other way around. Seriously, I'd tell you more about myself, what's wrong, why I'm acting the way I'm acting, but you know what? I can't tell you since you're NEVER here to hear me. I don't think anyone is here for me when I just need to talk things out or something. Honestly. Especially you, my "best friend." I'm always comforting you, but you know what? You're not there when I need you anymore. I wish we can just go back to the old times, like over the summer where everything was bright, new and shiny.

But we can't go back now. Is this how you really want to spend your last year with me? All detached and cool? I have tried to reach out to you in many different ways. I've wanted to talk to you about some stuff, but I can't. You're always complaining about something. "I failed this test." or "I hate life" or "fml, so many tests and quizzes." or "omg I'm failing." 

Look, you AREN'T FAILING, OKAY? Jeez, I don't tell you anything anymore because you're always complaining about something and I just have no space in your mind. You know I do care about you, I love you very much, but...this is just too much for me. I can almost SWEAR you don't give a damn about me. Maybe you did a long time ago, but now you don't anymore. I'm just here, helping you whenever you need help, just being your friend, doing your work. God. Thanks for making me feel so damn used. This has been driving me crazy, and driving me close to the brink of tears for some time now. I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy.

You asked me today, "why so sad?" I wasn't sad, I was pissed off. Why should I show any emotion towards you anymore if you don't seem to give a flying fuck about me?

Oh, and another thing. Stop lying to me. I really hate it when you lie to me. It just makes me want to punch the wall or kick it. Stop playing mind games with me. You're going to be just as bad as that other person whom I detest.

This is what I've been trying to tell you, but you just never open to listen.

Feeling.

That odd feeling. You know, the one that get settles itself right in the middle of your chest? The one that makes you feel so nervous, but so excited? The one that makes you all twitterpattered? You know, that feeling?

Yeah. That feeling is incredible.

Thoughts.

"& Sometimes I just want to hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. But I can't do that, because it would become obvious..."

I guarantee that someone, somewhere is thinking these very words.

"Everytime my stereo gets static-y, I think it's you sending me a text message because my stereo always gets static-y when you text me...but lately, it's just been no one..."

Truth.

The truth is, the only reason I texted you was to see if you were alright. I'm glad you responded, otherwise I would've been spam texting you, but now that I know you're safe, that puts me at ease a little. I really do care about you. Don't do anything stupid, and we'll both be happy, okay? :)

Love,

Me.

A Short Story [maybe continued]

"I've come to a conclusion."
"What is it?"
"Love doesn't exist. It's just a figment of our imagination. Since all humans are animals, and we're pretty smart, don't get me wrong, but humans need a word to disguise our natural animalistic lust for another person. We call it love. Love is just a guise, and the true meaning for it SHOULD be 'lust for another person based on the human need to reproduce and on looks too.'"

Well, that explained a lot. I was walking home with my friend Sam (short for Samantha) and she was being unusually quiet. I was just about to ask her what was on her mind until she started talking.

"Wow...that's deep, Sam." I said.

"I know, I've been thinking about it on and off for quite some time now. That and I couldn't find the right words to express myself, you know? Ugh, it's so annoying when that happens. I mean like, you know how you blank out when someone asks you a question and you know the right answer? SO ANNOYING! By the way did you hear..."

I tuned her out for the time being. She was back to normal now. I did briefly wonder why she brought love up, but I didn't ask her about it. Instead my mind was on what Sam said and how it was sort of true. People, since the beginning of time, had always had been attracted to other people based on physical beauty. I guess that explains why Sam has had more boyfriends than I have ever had.

Who could blame those boys though? Sam is beautiful, with her medium length brown hair that shimmers in the sun, her flawless face, her 5'5" stature, and her sparkly personality. She is in marching band as a color guard member, she has straight A's, the body of a dancer because she dances, and she is a fantastic cook. Oh, and did I mention that she has the grace of a dancer when she dances, but she has the grace of an elephant in a porcelain store when she's not dancing? She has an amazing ability to trip over anything, from air to flat surfaces. And that makes her totally adorable so everybody loves her. 

As for me? I guess you could say we are sort of opposites. I am not pretty, not even close to attractive. I have medium length dark brown hair with no shimmering, just your plain, typical Chinese hair, a plague of acne, my 5'2 height, and my sparkly-as-a-rusted-nail personality. I'm also in marching band with Sam, but I'm not graceful enough to do anything color guard or dance related. I usually have straight B's, but I got lucky this semester and pulled off almost straight A's with the exception of one B- in an AP class. I don't have the body of a dancer, since I don't and can't dance, but I have the body of...an elephant. No, I'm just kidding. I have the body type of a..healthy person, I guess. I can't cook to save my life and that is one of my weaknesses. The only thing I have going for me is that I have a sense of humor and I'm a girl. That's about it...

I think you can see the large division between Sam and I. She's more feminine than I am, and we're both girls. Funny how that works out. 

"HELLO? ANYONE IN THERE? EARTH TO KIMMI!" I looked up, startled from my thoughts.
"Huh? What?"

"Did you hear a word I was saying?" Sam asked me, looking sort of mad.

"Uhmm, you were talking about how the definition of love should be changed...then you went off tangent and started talking about brain farts?" I hoped this would suffice for not paying attention to whatever she was saying.

It didn't. "UGHH, NO, THAT'S NOT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. I was asking you if you saw that new pen at the store yesterday! You know that super cool one I was telling you about? The one that can write underwater, in space, and it can stand super hot temperatures and it is virtually indestructible and it comes with its own GPS and tracking system? Oh! And the best part about this pen is that it can NEVER RUN OUT OF INK!" She looked excited about this pointless pen. Who needs a pen to write in space unless you're going to become an astronaut? I didn't want to point this out to Sam, she'd get mad, so I let her ramble aimlessly on. And you wonder why I tune her out sometimes, huh?

Anyways, we got to Sam's house to drop her off and said goodbye to each other. I continued walking home. While I was walking I decided that some music would be nice. I took out my iPod and put my ear buds in.  

Hmm...what song would be good to listen to right now? I decided on "Wake Up Call" by Maroon 5.

"Wake up call, caught you in the morning with another one in my bed. 

Don't you care about me anymore? 

Don't you care about me, I don't think so! 

Six foot tall came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead,

He won't come around here any more. 

Come around here, I don't think so!" 

 Maybe if I wasn't so focused on the music, I would've seen the car that had been following me from Sam's house...

Quote Of The Day.

Don't let nobody tell you your life is over, be every color that you are.
Into the rush now, you don't have to know how, know it all before you try.
- Rush by Aly and AJ

Closer To Love

She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away

She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees

We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away

I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' oh, Lord come through

We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin'
Down with the wind

And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life

I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through

We're gonna get there soon

Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited all of my life

You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love (You are all that I've waited for)
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Closer to love (Cause you are all that I've waited for)
Closer to love

Pull me closer to love  

- Mat Kearny.

The Things You Do

Baby I just love when you
Tell me that we ain't ordinary
Cause I just love how we don't argue
Just like Tom and Jerry
Because you bring a smile
When I see things that are hella scary
How you spread your love and joy that I will always carry
Cause you and me together
Are partners like Bonnie and Clyde
You just so awesome I have so much feelings that I can't hide
You got me sprung because
I know your heart is always true
So baby that's the reason why I really do love you

[Chorus:]
I love the way you kiss me on my lips
And I love how you're always
Holding tight on my hands
I love the way you
Wrap your arms around me
And I love the way how much you
Saying that you love me

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling

[Bridge:]
See everyday baby
When we're talking on the phone
You make me laugh
You make me smile
Nothing can go wrong

Cause everything you do
Makes me fall in love with you
More and more everyday
There's nothing more I can say

You leave me speechless
You take my breath away
It's what I love about you
These little things you do to me
Every little thing you do
From the ways we're kissing boo
To every moment you got me missing you

[Chorus:]
I love the way you kiss me on my lips
And I love how you're always
Holding tight on my hands
I love the way you
Wrap your arms around me
And I love the way how much you
Saying that you love me

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling

[Verse 2:]
Listen, I just love how you always
Put a smile on my face
Just like that one time
I remembered you added me on my myspace
That moment from then on
You didn't know baby girl
We were together
Cause you and me will always last always and forever
You know I just love
The many things that you do
And that's the reason
Why you're the girl
I will always pursue
So you just gotta listen
Cause whatever that I do say
Will always be there with you
Cause forever is how long I'm gonna stay

[Chorus:]
I love the way you kiss me on my lips
And I love how you're always
Holding tight on my hands
I love the way you
Wrap your arms around me
And I love the way how much you
Saying that you love me

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling

The things you do girl
Just makes me happy
That's what I love about you
You keep me smiling 

- Shiny ft. Yung J.

Haha, this song is so old (form 2007!) I just had it stuck in my head...