Pinpoint.

I had a hard time pinpointing the EXACT reason why I was so mad at you. When I got home, I realized what it was that I was so mad at.

I'm mad at the fact that I care way too much about you than you care about me. Maybe you care an equal amount for me, I wouldn't know. I show it way too often, and you show it not as often. Sure, I know you do care, up to a point. But I can't gauge where that point ends.

I'm also mad because I DON'T want to feel this way towards you. The answer to your question should've been "yes" and not maybe. I'm sure you can figure out which question that was. You're a smart kid. I know you don't feel the same way, I'm completely positive. But in either case, I just want to be friends anyways.

Oh, and I'm also mad because I want to go back to the past, where everything was so much better, like over the summer. I can honestly say that those days were one of the best days of my life. I'm sad because I won't ever have anymore moments like that anymore with you. You're busy with SCVC, and for me? I don't know what I'll be doing. I'm sort of just living day to day now. I miss how close we USED to be, but gradually, we drifted apart when school started. Did you notice that? Especially during second semester. Sometimes I feel like our friendship is supernova. Where there's this flash of brilliance and then it dies. That's how sometimes I feel like our friendship is like. I want it to be stable, not this flash of light. We both need stability in out lives. I know I'm not the most stable person on the Planet Earth. But I'll try anyways. I guess we need to both work harder in maintaining our friendship. I'm willing to try, and I hope you are too.

I can't tell you this in person. It's too hard for me. I can do it without looking you in the face, in the eyes. But that's just me. I used to pride myself on telling the truth all the time, but I'm just a hypocrite, I can't tell the truth myself. I say I don't tell lies, and that's at least partially true. When I tell you "don't worry about it." it usually means, "whatever happened I worked through it" or "don't worry yourself about this, you aren't involved so you don't need to worry." or "you weren't there when I needed you, so forget it." It's usually one of those meanings. I guess it can also mean "It's about you, and I don't want you to know about it." 


In either case, I'm better writing out my thoughts than just saying it. I can't articulate my thoughts that well verbally, but when I write, it comes out better, much smoother. I hope you understand. Sometimes I just need time to get my thoughts organized and I can't do things on-demand. 


On top of this, I hope somewhere, somehow, sometime we can spend time together, and work our way through whatever speed bumps come our way. If that's okay with you. Just tell me when, where, etc. 

When I'm gone, send a thought my way, and maybe, just maybe...
We'll see.