Apprehension.

They say, with rain comes ease. 

I have yet to feel this ease they speak of. All I can feel is apprehension. I'm scared to know what's next. I just want everything to be alright, I want everything to be what it was before. I don't want to lose you, nor do I want to feel bad, or for you to feel bad for that matter. I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you. But it had to come out. Regrets? Sure, I could've told you in a more tact way, but I just couldn't, can't, bring myself to face you. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should have never told you this, and let the cycle keep going. I wonder how insane I would've become, how crazy.

I certainly feel bad, but I don't know if I should be feeling bad. I feel guilty, like i guilted you into...this dilemma. I know you have your worries too...I should've just kept my mouth shut. I don't know what to feel anymore. I wish I could just block out all emotion and just live life. Just block out happiness, anger, sadness, everything. Without emotion, the performance would fall flat they say. Well with emotion, the performance can turn into a train wreck, especially if it's in real life.

Would I rather fall flat? Or would I rather be filled with emotions?